Before I begin I want to remind you that my page is called Honesty, with love. I share MY vulnerabilities, MY thoughts and MY experiences. I hope you’re here the hear those, with love.
What I’m about to share may change how you feel about me, may cause you to judge me, or it may not. I haven’t written in a long time because of the fear of divide that we’ve all faced over the last 2-ish years. I wasn’t ready to fully have my voice heard for fear of relationships being lost. I’m choosing not to live in that fear anymore because my silence is deafening and now I want to scream.
You love someone that had an abortion. You love someone that may need to make that future decision for themselves.
What if I told you I had a tubal abortion in order to save my life? Would you think differently of me or support me because it was for medical reasons.
What if I told you I had an elective abortion at 18 years old, because in no way was I ready to have a child? Would you think differently of me and judge/shame me for making that decision? Or would you even go so far as to call me a “baby killer”?
Now, what if I told you both of those things happened, to me? How would you feel about me then?
That first experience was out of my control and I wasn’t really given a choice because it was literally life or death. Life saving measures were taken. While I was bleeding out, my late husband was signing resuscitate or do not resuscitate papers. Begging the doctor to do whatever he needed to bring me back to him. We grieved the loss of what that future held. A year later, pregnant again, I miscarried. One more time, we grieved that loss. That second experience, thank goodness I was given a choice. 18 years old. I weighed every option of what a future with or without a child held. I was in what I thought was a committed relationship only to find out he was not committed. I didn’t want to be a mother yet, let alone a single mother. I wasn’t ready. I made a decision for me. A decision I hid from everyone but 1 person, for years because of the backlash and judgement I feared would come from it. I didn’t have support. I was alone, to process whatever I was going to face. Never once have I regretted that decision. Never once have I had self doubt or hate because of that decision. I was given a choice. A choice looking back, I still would’ve made, even with knowing what my future looked like with so many years of fertility struggles and no children. Again, a choice I get to make. I’m not here to have children, I’m simply here to love them and love them hard.
This isn’t about me wanting to change your mind. Your beliefs and opinions are your own. This is perspective. This is about allowing choice. This is no one making a decision for me (or anyone else), but me. A decision/choice that no one just flippantly makes. A decision that has so many different variables and emotions attached. A decision that is likely the hardest some will ever make and could change the complete trajectory of someone’s life. Still though, our decision, not yours.
My body, my choice. Your argument when it came to vaccines you didn’t want to be forced to get. There I stood by you, allowing you to MAKE THAT CHOICE, because body autonomy. The same choice you get to make when you have any medical procedure or medical treatment, because body autonomy. There is literally nothing the government can force you to do with your body, unless you have a uterus. You fight so hard for your 2nd amendment, but what about the 14th? Where’s your fight for us then? Where’s your “my body, my choice” fight at now?
Social media has a trending hashtag of #savethechildren. Please do. Fight for those children trapped in a system not truly willing to help them. Fight for those children whose mother didn’t have a choice or proper education or birth control or financial means to care for them. Fight for those children whose mother had to make a decision out of fear or shame to birth them, only to be placed in a system that fails them repeatedly. Fight for those children whose mother had no choice because she was only a child herself. Fight for her too. Whatever the reason or circumstance, I don’t need a reason. I stand with her, I stand with you and I will fight beside and for you.
Instead of shaming/guilting/punishing/judging/controlling or revoking rights from us, stand up and make changes. Push for better sex education, not just abstinence only education (we all know how well that really works out). Push for accessible contraception for everyone. Push for harsher punishment of sex crimes. Push for livable wages. Push for affordable/accessible mental health care. This isn’t just a women’s right issue, it’s a human rights issue. There’s far more at stake than you stopping abortions.
I’m not asking you to love abortions or even be “pro murdering babies”. I am asking you to love your neighbor and trust that they know what is best for their body, not you. Because after all, you love someone who has had an abortion. You’re here reading her words.
Honesty, With Love 